How do you tell your partner that you simply cannot or do not want to tolerate certain things in a loving manner?
Setting ''healthy boundaries'' is vital in any relationship.
People-pleasers may avoid confrontations and arguments, but this will affect them and their relationship in the long term.
What are relationship boundaries?
Relationship boundaries are the boundaries we set for ourselves in our relationships. They define what we are comfortable with and how we want to be treated by others. They maintain our interpersonal equilibrium. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or sexual, as they can be our time, our possessions, or our privacy.
Why are they important?
Healthy boundaries are important because they help you:
Feel more comfortable and respected in your relationships.
Protect your own needs and wants.
Avoid feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of.
Build stronger, more resilient relationships.
What do they say about the relationship?
1. It demonstrates self-respect.
2. It's the recognition of one's own wants, desires, and preferences..
3. It shows respect to our spouses and their feelings.
What are relationship boundaries' types?
There are 4 types of relationship boundaries you could decide ti setup:
1. Physical boundaries: This could include things like deciding how much physical touch is comfortable for you, or whether you want to share a bed with your partner.
2. Empotional boundaries: This could include things like setting aside specific time each week for yourself, or agreeing on how much time you will spend together each day.
3. Communication boundaries: This could include things like deciding how much physical touch is comfortable for you, or whether you want to share a bed with your partner.
4. Time boundaries: This could include things like deciding how much physical touch is comfortable for you, or whether you want to share a bed with your partner.
What is needed to set healthy boundaries?
When are the boundaries broken?
Here are 5 cases where the relationship is shaked when its boundaries are broken by a partner.
How to set relationship boundaries?
Many people find it difficult to express their point and communicate their boundaries because they are afraid of being rejected, of being viewed as selfish, or of hurting their partner.
Let's find out 5 tips to communicate your boundaries.
1. Start by understanding your own needs and wants
Spend some time alone in a calm place and attempt to answer the questions below:
What are my core values?
What actually matters to me?
What are my partnership's non-negotiable boundaries?
What are the ramifications of crossing these lines?
What is it that makes it tough for me to set these boundaries?
2. Be clear and specific about your own boundaries
Setting boundaries is considerably easier at the start of a relationship.
There will be many habits, behaviours, and routines that are difficult to modify after you've been together for a long period.
But it's better to start now than later!
Even though some habits have been formed, it is still worthwhile to set new boundaries if necessary.
3. Use "I" statements when communicating your boundaries
This will help you to avoid blaming or accusing your partner, and it will make it more likely that they will be receptive to what you have to say.
For example, instead of saying "You always want to spend time with me," you could say "I feel overwhelmed when we spend too much time together."
4. Be prepared to compromise
It's unlikely that your partner will be able to meet all of your boundaries all of the time.
Be willing to compromise on some things, but don't be afraid to stand up for your needs
5. Be patient
It takes time to learn how to set boundaries effectively.
Don't expect to be perfect overnight.
Just keep practicing, and you'll eventually get the hang of it.
How to communicate your boundaries?
It is critical not just to specify the boundaries, but also to provide the partner with context and explain why these boundaries are so essential to you.
Defining your boundaries also allows you to learn more about your relationship. You may inquire as to where you may have crossed one of his or her lines, and then work out a consensual solution for the future.
An open discussion about your feelings, opinions, and desires will enhance your bond.
Avoid using a demanding tone since it creates an imbalance and may make your spouse feel the need to defend themselves.
Let's explore the 3 steps to communicate your boundaries
STEP 1: Make an affirmation
Be loving in the way you talk without threatening your partner.
Your tone should be calm but firm.
Make it clear that a line has been crossed and you will not tolerate it anymore.
Show that you will need to find a balance between assertiveness, calmness and understanding.
STEP2: Start your sentences with ''I''
It's not so much what you say as it is how you say it, and this also applies to setting boundaries.
Use language like "I feel" or "I wish" instead of blaming your partner with "You always do" or "You never do."
STEP3: Maintain Your Respect
Maintain a courteous tone throughout the dialogue.
When you realise you're getting too emotional and the conversation is heading in the wrong direction, step back.
Remember to respect and recognise your partner's needs and boundaries as well.
Inquire with your partner about the boundaries that are essential to him or her.
To sum it up for you:
The goal is to develop a consensual solution in which both of your boundaries and needs are acknowledged and honoured.
Setting boundaries is also not something that you do once and then forget about. You and your partner must always work on your relationship through time.
Getting support by investing in Couples Therapy, Counselling, and Relationship Coaching is a recommended option for all.
If you struggle putting boundaries in some of your relationships or if you are about to start a new relationship and want to set the right boundaries from the start, I would be happy to offer you a free consultation call to discuss. During our consultation, we can talk about your specific needs and expectations from this relationship, explore the boundaries that will make you feel respected and protected, and also the best to communicate them to your partner.
You can contact me via WhatsApp on +44 7 484 274 986 or directly through my website by clicking here.
Sincerely yours,
Mariam Bennouna
Master Life Coach Certified by the International Coaching Institute
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